Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
