My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who died my cat blue again?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
