I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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