Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
