is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
