It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
