Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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