Do you still have your period?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
