I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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