you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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