Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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