i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
