Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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