I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
