Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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