There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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