i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize