It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
