I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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