At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
