There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize