Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
