Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
