Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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