my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
