Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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