I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
