he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
