1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
