Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
