No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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