you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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