Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize