love makes seman taste better
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
