I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
