tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
