you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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