Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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