No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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