There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
