he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
