I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
