I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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