Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
