trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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