VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
as a side note pls kill me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
