My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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