i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
