I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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