first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
