finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
