I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
