Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
