you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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