Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
