because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
