She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
