She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
