I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
