if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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