It's Friday. Sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
