1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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