yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just invented taco cereal.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
