Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
