Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize