Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
