i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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