I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
