id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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