its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
