I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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