I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
