I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
