I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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