Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
