Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
