Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
